Parent Newsletter, 8/27/2026

The start of school can be such a lift for the people in charge of developing children.

August can make even the most organized parents and teachers feel like they have been caught in a tsunami of starting up logistics.

I have spent hours importing calendars, finding uniforms, filling supply lists, completing medical forms and permission slips, reading teacher, school, and sports emails—and just trying to make sure everyone wakes up on time.

In some ways, this time reminds me of being a brand-new mom. Then as now, there was so much information. So much advice. So many competing messages about what I was supposed to do.

And I’ve realized that every season of transition with our kids can make us feel this way. Sleep training. Potty training. Preschool. Middle school. Dating. Driving. Getting a phone. Navigating college applications and matriculation. Deciding when to stop tracking them on Life360. 

Every stage brings new questions, new risks, and a thousand opinions about what we should do.

But our children need something remarkably consistent from us. They need us to be strong. They need us to be kind. They need us to become Bowbenders.

Consider a Bow and Arrow

There is a reason I named my company Bowbend. I took the image from Kahlil Gibran’s poem On Children in which he uses a metaphor of parents as bows, children as arrows, and God as the archer.

For an arrow to fly far and true, the bow must be both strong and flexible. It doesn’t escape the tension. It uses the tension.

That is what our kids need from us. Adults who can hold a boundary without becoming controlling. Offer compassion without over-accommodating. Give independence without withdrawing. Protect without preventing every struggle. Listen without surrendering leadership.

Strong and kind. This is the philosophy at the heart of Bowbend.

And underneath it is a core belief: The tension is the tool.

We Don’t Need More Parenting Advice

If anything, we have too much.

We are parenting amid Instagram, TikTok, AI, podcasts, books, experts, Facebook groups, and well-meaning friends all telling us what to do. And much of this advice feels contradictory. Hold boundaries. Avoid being authoritative. Validate feelings. Don’t accommodate anxiety. Give them independence. Keep careful watch. 

No wonder parents feel anxious. We have been taught to believe there must be a right way to parent, and if we can just know it, we’ll know what to do.

But parenting doesn’t work that way.

Yes, tools matter. Strategies matter.

But tools cannot replace judgment.

Our children need adults who can consistently discern: What does this child need from me in this moment in order to grow in into a thriving person of character?

That kind of judgment comes from reflection, feedback, intentional practice—and learning to stay in the tension long enough to respond with wisdom instead of fear.

How Do We Become Bowbenders?

This is the work I do with parents in Coaching, and I use a simple framework.

Look Up → Look In → Look Out → Look To → Repeat

Look Up: What are we aiming for?

Before solving the immediate problem, we anchor in long-term vision.

• What kind of person am I trying to raise?
• What are our family’s core values, faith, and ideals?
• What matters five years from now—not just five minutes from now?

When we know our ultimate aim, every new parenting trend has less power over us. 

Look In: What is happening in me?

Sometimes our child’s behavior isn’t actually the problem. Our fear is. Our embarrassment. Our need for control. Our discomfort with our child’s discomfort.

To address this, Bowbenders look in to build emotional and social self-awareness. This skill gives us space to choose instead of react.

Look Out: What does my child need in this moment? 

Our perspective matters. More than we think. Wise parents consider their perspective, consider alternate view points, and choose the best one to support the child. They ask themselves:

• What are my assumptions about what’s going on?
• Where are my blind spots?
• What might be underneath this behavior?
• What skills are still developing?

If we use the lens of a microscope in one moment, we might miss what we could see more clearly if we put on bifocals instead. Consider multiple perspectives and choose the best one for the moment. 

Look To: What tools will help?

Only then do we reach for strategies, experts, teachers, counselors, books, research, and advice. We ask ourselves, “What tool fits what I know about my values, myself, and my child?” The tool comes from your judgment. Not the other way around. 

Repeat: Because we must practice.

Experience is the best teacher, and repetition is crucial for learning. We don’t just want to know how to be good parents. We want to BE good parents. This means we must embody wisdom, judgment, and our values every day, without having to think about it. And that requires intentional practice. Just like any professional athlete who can execute their intensions on a dime, if we want to be great, we’ve got to put in the practice time.

That is why I believe so deeply in coaching.

Of course, I can help you figure out what to do when your preschooler bites everyone or how to take your teenager’s phone out of the bedroom without starting World War III.

But I want something bigger for you than the answer to today’s parenting problem.

I want you to trust yourself.

I want you to move from reactive, anxious, controlling, accommodating, or unsure to

innately confident, intentional, calm, and wise.

Coaching gives you a place to practice that transformation. Instead of constantly asking: What am I supposed to do? You start asking: What does this moment require from me? And you become increasingly able to trust your own answer.

I call this becoming Bowbenders: wise adults who are anchored in values, understand themselves, see the child clearly, thoughtfully choose an appropriate tool for each moment, practice towards transformation, and can stay in the tension without swinging to extremes.

If you are tired of spinning your wheels trying to figure out the “right” thing to do, maybe you don’t need another parenting hack. Maybe you need a place to practice becoming the parent you want to be.

More confident in the hard moments.

More intentional in the everyday ones.

Strong and kind, every day.

Because the goal isn’t to eliminate the tension. The tension is the tool that transforms you.