For many of us, the end of the school year comes like the downhill drop of a roller coaster: fast, fun, loud, a little disorienting, and full of twists and turns. 

Teacher appreciation. Field Day. Exams. End-of-year parties. Awards. Graduation. Gifts. Performances. Banquets. Championship runs. Memorial Day plans.

All the “lasts” of the year packed into a few short weeks. It’s good. It’s joyful. It’s memory-making.

And also? It can leave us feeling a little slung around. 

Every year, May arrives with its own kind of velocity. We try to be present, keep up, enjoy it, and not let the whole thing make us feel panicked. Then, almost abruptly, school ends. We step off the ride with wild hair, smiling faces, and wobbly legs.

But we are not there yet.

We are still in that quieter space before the rush. Which means this is a beautiful time to do something many of us skip:
Reflect.

Why reflection matters

One of the things great parents do well is grow in self-awareness. We can do this in two ways: through feedback and through reflection. As parents, this matters deeply. And the calm before “Maycember” is a perfect time to pause long enough to reflect ourselves and with our kids.

A few reflection questions for you

Talk with a friend. Write in a journal. Process with your spouse. Bring to the dinner table one or two of these questions based on my Strong and Kind Framework (picture above).

Start with your direction: values, faith, purpose, and the kind of family you want to build

• What is one thing you are really glad you did with your child this past year that helped you move in the direction you hope to go (Ex. grow faith, values, character, family environment)?
• Where have you seen your child grow in character or in the direction you hope they are heading?
• What is one thing you wish you could go back and change? What can you learn from it and carry forward instead of carrying guilt?

Next, reflect on your social-emotional presence

• How have you shown up this year for your children? If they described your presence in a few words, what would they say?
• Are you happy with the tone in your home?
• What is your relationship like with your child right now? What do you want it to feel like? Is there a gap between those two things?
• If there is a gap, what might help you bridge it?

Then, examine your perspectives

• What are some helpful lenses you have used this year? (Ex. Maybe you have learned to see misbehavior less as defiance and more as a child’s attempt to gain belonging, significance, or help. Maybe you have started to see struggle as part of growth instead of proof that something is wrong.)
• And where might your perspective need to shift? (Are you looking at school, sports, friendships, achievement, behavior, or even your child’s future through a lens that is too narrow? Too anxious? Too focused on short term outcomes instead of long term character?)

Finally, think about tools

• What parenting tools have helped you this year?
• Where have you grown stronger?
• And where are you still getting stuck?
• Maybe you need more practice with encouragement instead of praise. Or with calm boundaries. Or repair. Or joint problem-solving. Or positive time-out. Or special time. Or family meetings. Or simply remembering to breathe before you respond.

Questions to help your child reflect

You can make these age-appropriate, simple, and conversational. Try one at dinner. Bring one up in the car. Ask one over ice cream.

Where Are You Heading? 

• What kind of person do you want to become?
• What are you good at? What do you love? How are you using those strengths and joys right now?
• How is the work you are doing helping you become who you want to be?

How Are You Feeling? 

• How are your friendships going?
• How are things in our family?
• How do you usually respond when something feels hard, disappointing, or unfair? How do you want to respond? 
• What emotions have you been feeling most lately?

What’s Your Perspective? 

• What lens are you using to think about school, sports, friendships, dating, your body, your health, your sleep, or technology? (ex. I have to be the best? To be worthy I have to achieve? It doesn’t matter what I do? Nobody likes me? I have to keep up my streak or my friends won’t like me?) 
• Are you looking at things mostly through status? Achievement? Fear? Comparison?
• What might be a healthier lens? Curiosity? Growth? Gratitude? Faith? Character? Long-term purpose? What does each lens sound like? 

What Tools Are You Using?

• What tools are helping you right now? What routines, reminders, habits, or practices are working with school, friends, executive function, relationships?
• What is not working? (Ex. do I need to practice the tool of saying no and holding boundaries? or do I need to practice the tool of active listening? Of list making? Of being curious instead of judgy?)  
• Is there one new tool you want to try this summer?

Before the rush begins

Soon enough, the calendar will fill and the pace will pick up. Maycember will do what Maycember does. But before the rush, there is a chance to reflect on who you are becoming as a parent and who your child is becoming too.

That kind of reflection is not extra. It is part of wise parenting.

Ready To Reflect? Here’s How I Can Help

With you in it,

Peyten

P.S. Just like a personal trainer will make you make time for your physical health, I can support you in making time for your parental success.  Reply to this email. I’d love to help.

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