This morning I had the pleasure of presenting a workshop to faculty at an Atlanta Area school, and I promised them a list of books that I referenced in the session.
The workshop was called “Fearless Feedback,” and the aim of the first part was to empower educators to be able to receive feedback from parents, students, peers, and admin with curiosity. This section was inspired by much of the great work from Douglass Stone and Sheila Heen’s book Thanks For The Feedback.
The second half of the workshop focused on giving feedback and was inspired by the work from Kim Scott in her book Radical Candor.
Now for the list of the other books and resources referenced:
Carol Dweck’s Mindset book to remind us to take a growth mindset (as we wish all our students would.)
The Johari Window. To be truly great leaders, we must both give and ask for feedback.
Upstream by Dan Heath is one of my favorite books. Save the babies! But make sure you go up river before you get carried away.
Amazing for proactive parent work to help make your feedback giving run smoothly. (Geared toward admins, but every teacher should read).
David Rock’s SCARF Model. Don’t want to trigger an amygdala “flip” when you give feedback or instigate change? Run your messaging through this model. (thank you bite sized learning!)
Evans and Thompson’s quintessential work gives a research-based lens to parent-teacher interactions today.
Of course, like every presenter, I ran out of time and did not get to do an activity inspired by this book, but for all educators and administrators, if you are going to give and receive feedback, this research provides an incredibly helpful lens to use to frame the intent of the giver and the impact you may have on the receiver based on different generational identities.
David Yeager’s incredibly helpful book about giving feedback – particularly assessment feedback – to students. The WISE FEEDBACK model works for more than just students!
And I couldn’t run a workshop without using tools from Positive Discipline. The one I mentioned today was “Focus on Solutions.” I feel like I could do a whole workshop just on this topic!
Finally, don’t forget to listen to Rebecca Malotke-Meslin’s episode on my podcast about delivering hard feedback. Her tips are fire! My favorite quote: “feedback is not like fine wine. It does not age well.”
To Close: What I Did Not Have Time For But Everyone Needs
One book that was not in the presentation (because we didn’t have time!) but that I wish I could lead some exercises inspired by is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. While this book is written from a Christian lens, the lessons about how to stand your ground and set boundaries around what you will and will not accept are exceptional.
Too often, teachers feel obligated to tolerate disrespect, fury, shaming, or worse from parents who have “flipped their lids” (as described by Seigel and Bryson and this Brain the Palm of your hand video).
Teachers, I want to be clear that taking the perspective that all feedback can be helpful does NOT mean that you have to tolerate a parent yelling at you.
In fact, if a parent is yelling at you, they are not actually delivering feedback. They are offloading big emotion in a non-professional manner.
My recommendation is always for teachers to respect themselves as professionals and their dignity as humans and respect others in the same way.
That might mean interrupting a furious parent and saying,
“Wow. This is a lot. Clearly you feel strongly about this topic. I want to make sure that I can understand the feedback, and our emotions are getting in the way of my ability to do that.
Let’s take a break from this conversation and plan to circle back. Since this topic is sensitive, here is what I suggest. I will email you a list of questions based off of what I understood from today. Will you respond with your answers and any clarification? That way, I can take time to process, and next time we meet, we will both be in a cooler, more productive head space to solve this problem together.”
And if the parent continues their vitriol in spite of your generous redirect, draw the line.
“This is not a productive conversation. I will not allow anyone to speak to me using this tone. I am leaving now.” (Then, you rope in your admin asap for the follow up meeting.)
Personalized Support
Want to know how to do all of this well? Read the books above! Not much of a reader? Want more individualized attention?
Why not schedule a coaching session with me?
Finally, if you are an administrator or leader at a school, religious organization, or workplace and feel like this might be a good topic for your staff or clients, contact me!
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